Post by 73Nova73 on May 4, 2004 10:09:18 GMT -5
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman
says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says,
"Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says, "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and
get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was great.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other, "Does this taste
funny to you?"
8. Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green,
green grass of home.'"
Doc: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
Man: "Is it common?"
Doc: "It's not unusual."
9. Two cows were standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing
only Glad Wrap shorts. The
shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're
nuts."
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
"I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is
there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his
eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day, but I couldn't
find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I
bet him $50 that he couldn't
reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15. A man came to the hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've
cut off your arms."
16. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and
pulled a mussel.
17. A man walks into a doctor's office. "What
seems to be the problem?" asks
the doc.
"It's... um...well.. I have five penises,"
replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your
trousers fit?"
The man answers, "Like a glove."
18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
19. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's
more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman
says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says,
"Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says, "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and
get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was great.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other, "Does this taste
funny to you?"
8. Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green,
green grass of home.'"
Doc: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
Man: "Is it common?"
Doc: "It's not unusual."
9. Two cows were standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing
only Glad Wrap shorts. The
shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're
nuts."
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
"I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is
there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his
eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day, but I couldn't
find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I
bet him $50 that he couldn't
reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15. A man came to the hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've
cut off your arms."
16. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and
pulled a mussel.
17. A man walks into a doctor's office. "What
seems to be the problem?" asks
the doc.
"It's... um...well.. I have five penises,"
replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your
trousers fit?"
The man answers, "Like a glove."
18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
19. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's
more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
Here, ricer ricer ricer.. Come here ricer, come here boy! That's a good ricer..Come here boy, I'm not gonna hurt you... 
DIE RICER DIE! DIE DIE DIE! 
